Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

What if the hokey pokey really IS what it is all about?

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch. The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment and gracious hostility.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.  Please use large double door at the side entrance.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Fr. Smith’s sermons. 

The Pastor will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing, “Break Forth Into Joy.”

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say Hell" to someone who doesn’t care much about you. 

Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for toda fTMassias been cancelled due to a conflict.

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at the Church. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING CONFERENCE: "The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals."

The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.” The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”

The teacher had been giving a lecture to his class on modern inventions. “Can any of you boys,” he said, “tell me anything of importance which did not exist fifty years ago?”

“Me,” exclaimed the brightest pupil.

Math problems:

5/4 of the population don't know how to do fractions. 

Modern Art Exposition:

Two men are at a modern art expo.

The first man says:

-Look, what a marvelous little statue.

The second one replays:

--That's a fire extinguisher.

The Death of an Elephant:

The Janitor of a Zoo weeps at the side of the body of a recently dead elephant.

A woman enters the scene, and moved with pity asks:

-Poor man! This elephant must have been very dear to you.

--You are wrong, for I don't care about the elephant. I'm cry just at the thought of the big ditch that I will have to dig.

Common Words:      
-What are the three words most used by students?
--I don't know.
-Very good! You are absolutely correct!

Right of Way:

-When does a pedestrian have the right of way?
--When he is in the ambulance.

Almost:

-I have fallen from an immensely high latter and I am uninjured

--And how did you manage that?

- I was on the first step

Car Trouble:      
-What did the man do when he heard that 95% of car accidents occur 5 miles from home?
    --He moved.

Announcements:
The latest discs:

"My whole heart", in two parts.
"I love solitude", with accompaninment

At a bus station:

-A ticket please.

--Where to?

-To the matrimony of my niece

--Yes, but were do they live?

-At their parents home-town of course!

-I understand , but which city?

--Its not a city, but a little town.

-Could you please just tell me where you want to go?