Joke Corner
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Ponderisms

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

When cows laugh, does milk come out of their noses?

When ther fisrt invented the clock how did they know what time it was to set it to?

How come wrong numbers are never busy?

Breaking News

Aircraft crashes into building




Ponderisms

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

What if the hokey pokey really IS what it is all about?

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

Ponderisms

Whenever I feel blue,  I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Ponderisms

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

More Strange Signs

Notice in health food shop window: Closed due to illness.

Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Notice in a field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL  CHARGES

Message on a leaflet: If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.

On a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work

Some Strange Signs 

In a London department store: Bargain Basement Upstairs

In an office: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken

In a British office: After tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on draining board

Outside a secondhand shop: We exchange anything – Bicycles, washing machines, etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?

Bulletin Bloopers

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch. The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment and gracious hostility.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.  Please use large double door at the side entrance.

Bulletin Bloopers

Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.

Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."

Bulletin Bloopers

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Fr. Smith’s sermons. 

The Pastor will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing, “Break Forth Into Joy.”

Bulletin Bloopers

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say Hell" to someone who doesn’t care much about you. 

Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Bulletin Bloopers

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for toda fTMassias been cancelled due to a conflict.


Bulletin Bloopers

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at the Church. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING CONFERENCE: "The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals."

The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.” The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”

Surprise

Someone informed Trailblazers that, yes, housepets with four legs can indeed fly.
(Click on image for larger view.) dfdfs


Leftovers again?

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served us nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

Just Desserts

If you love something, set it free. Unless it's chocolate. Never release chocolate.
BishopGooGoodTheBri
Vocation to Marriage

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" The mother replied, "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life." The child thought about this for a moment then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"

Procrastination

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up!

Forbidden in Lent

Inside me there's a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.

Philosopy of Life

If you love something, set it free. Unless it's chocolate. Never release chocolate.

They say...

42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Examination of Conscience

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

Get rich quick!

Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

But who is my neighbor?

Half the people you know are below average.

Dark Cars

If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

Dark Travels

Light moves really fast, they say. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

A Trip on a Plane

A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, “I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”

A Trip to the Dentist

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

Numbers, numbers

Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine!

Nuclear Physics

Two hydrogen atoms meet.  One says "I've lost my electron."  The other says "Are you sure?"  The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

Grandama come back here:

My grandma started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we don't know where in the world she is!

Learning Humor:

The teacher had been giving a lecture to his class on modern inventions. “Can any of you boys,” he said, “tell me anything of importance which did not exist fifty years ago?”

“Me,” exclaimed the brightest pupil.



Entertainment

Movie Director-
"Now, here is where you jump off the cliff."
Nervous Actor-
"Yeah, but suppose I get injured or killed?"
Movie Director-
"Oh, that's all right. It's the last scene in the picture."

Math problems:

5/4 of the population don't know how to do fractions. 


Modern Art Exposition:

Two men are at a modern art expo.

The first man says:

-Look, what a marvelous little statue.

The second one replays:

--That's a fire extinguisher.

The Death of an Elephant:

The Janitor of a Zoo weeps at the side of the body of a recently dead elephant.

A woman enters the scene, and moved with pity asks:

-Poor man! This elephant must have been very dear to you.

--You are wrong, for I don't care about the elephant. I'm cry just at the thought of the big ditch that I will have to dig.

 

Common Words:      
-What are the three words most used by students?
--I don't know.
-Very good! You are absolutely correct!

Right of Way:

-When does a pedestrian have the right of way?
--When he is in the ambulance.

Almost:

-I have fallen from an immensely high latter and I am uninjured

--And how did you manage that?

- I was on the first step

Car Trouble:      
-What did the man do when he heard that 95% of car accidents occur 5 miles from home?
    --He moved.

Announcements:
The latest discs:

"My whole heart", in two parts.
"I love solitude", with accompaninment

At a bus station:

-A ticket please.

--Where to?

-To the matrimony of my niece

--Yes, but were do they live?

-At their parents home-town of course!

-I understand , but which city?

--Its not a city, but a little town.

-Could you please just tell me where you want to go?

--It seems to me that you, my dear Sir,  are very courius!

    


Contact us:

Virginia: editor of The Compass - virginia-editor@trailblazerswyd.org
Amy : Trailblazers Secretary- secretary@trailblazerswyd.org
Fr. Paul Ward: Trailblazers Director - director@trailblazerswyd.org
(248) 722-5808     *     www.trailblazerswyd.org
Mailing Address: Trailblazers, WYD, Inc., c/o Bovitz, CPA, C.P., P.O. Box 445 , Trenton, MI 48183
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